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Whom Do You Want To Be?

Where are You NowYou might find this to be a funny question. You might be thinking that you have no choice in who you are. I contend that each of us determines exactly who we are and where we end up in life. Certainly, we are affected by our circumstances, how we grew up and the people that we come in contact with. However, it is our choice as to what we allow to affect us and those choices that ultimately determine who we are and who we become.

Many of us spend our whole lives “being” whom others have told us we are. Psychiatrists call this a “self-fulfilling prophecy.” Children, for example, who are repetitively told they are “bad” will eventually be convinced that they are and will work diligently to prove their parents right. What we are taught by words and actions becomes the reality of our world and many people grow up believing themselves to be unworthy due to misconceptions learned as a child.

Now imagine that as these children grow up, they never learned to question the lessons that they were taught. Since our actions are irrevocably tied to our perceptions of ourselves, our actions as adults will continue to be self-fulfilling. If we believe ourselves to be unworthy, will we ever believe that we are deserving of the better things in life? Will we work hard to create successful careers and relationships? Probably not. Instead we will subconsciously self-sabotage ourselves at every turn because we must prove that our beliefs about ourselves are correct. It will actually be more comfortable for us not to succeed because that is what we expect.

This is why personal growth and self-actualization are so critical to success in our business. When I first entered network marketing, I was told to “work harder on myself than on my business.” I truthfully had no idea what that meant. It took me several years to begin to understand the concept and to determine where and why I tended to sabotage myself. I have witnessed many networkers pouring a lot of hard work into their businesses and continuously searching for answers to succeed—but never accepting that the answers lie within. They will search for better scripts, better systems, better companies but they will not take the time to search inside themselves to see a better person. You see, this is where the choice comes in. You are whom you choose to be. You can choose to be the person that your parents or siblings or friends or co-workers believe you are or you can look inside yourself and decide to be who you really are.

So where do you begin? Start by determining your beliefs about yourself. Where did these ideas come from—are they valid? I contend that 95% of what you believe about yourself has little or no validity. Very few people can see the good in themselves; they can only focus on the negatives. Instead of focusing on your less desirable traits, put the emphasis on your better qualities. Learn that those less desirable traits, our little quirks, are what make us human. Certainly there are areas we want to improve, but that is difficult to do if we believe that somehow we are inherently bad or unworthy. Life is a journey of discovery and learning. Once we’re able to appreciate our finer points and learn to love ourselves, it is easier to work on areas we desire to improve. Once we learn to care about ourselves, we can begin to erase our old tapes and begin making new ones. We can believe that we deserve to have success in all areas of our lives and stop the self-sabotaging behavior. Magically, things will start to get better in our lives and all of a sudden, we have a new belief system, one where we expect good things to happen. And guess what—more good things will continue to happen!

Perhaps you just got stalled somewhere along the way. Begin to discover who you really are starting today and actively choose to be the person, that deep down inside—you already know you are.

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Whom Do You Want To Be? by The Kaufman Post, unless otherwise expressly stated, is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.

  1. October 4th, 2009 at 17:03 | #1

    Great post.

  2. November 5th, 2009 at 10:29 | #2

    Thank you Laura. This is powerful.

    I have come to realize that in order to be successful working on yourself is a must! Failing to seriously work on your personal growth limits you from reaching your full potential and therefore needs to be top priority.

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